


Second Chances

by actualbabe



Series: Tumblr Dialogue Prompts! [12]
Category: New Girl
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Season 3, Time Travel, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-28 00:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15696765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualbabe/pseuds/actualbabe
Summary: It's the night before Schmidt and Cece's wedding when Nick has a revelation about his feelings towards Jess. He decides to save them to deal with later, after their friends' wedding. But then the next morning Nick wakes up to an unexpected surprise:He's gone back in time.





	Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompt "Tell me you need me"

It’s the night before his best friend’s wedding and Nick’s riding the tail end of a beer buzz from their impromptu game of True American. He stumbles down the hall to the bathroom so he can half-heartedly brush his teeth and piss before collapsing into his bed. Being the best of men is a difficult and exhausting job, and at this rate he’ll only manage a few measly hours of sleep in prep for the big day tomorrow. 

There’s a sniffling noise coming from inside the bathroom, and Nick frowns as he rounds the corner to see a teary eyed Jess leaning up against the stall door. She perks up when she spots him walking inside, quickly wiping away whatever bit of her makeup might have smeared beneath her eyes. 

“Oh, hey, Nick,” Jess says in that mock-casual way people do when they’re trying to pretend like they weren’t just caught crying.

“Jess?” Nick’s frown deepens as he looks her up and down. “What’s wrong?”

She hesitates for a moment, her lower lip trembling ever so slightly. Jess has never been particularly good at hiding her emotions, especially from him. There’s obviously something upsetting her, and he wouldn’t be a good friend if he just let her deal with it on her own. “Doctor Sam dumped me.”

“Oh.” He blinks, her words slowly sinking in.  _ That asshole _ . Who does something like that? Breaking up with your girlfriend right before her best friend’s wedding. A fucking classic Doctor Sam move. “He's out of his mind.”

“Yeah, well, he was in love with his best friend, so...” Jess shrugs, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. She stares pointedly at the tiles beside her sock-clad feet, and Nick can’t help but wonder why she can’t make eye contact with him. “Predictable.”

_ Huh. _

It might be the lingering effects of his last beer, but there’s something about the turn of phrase that sticks in his head, even after they say their goodnights and retreat to their respective sides of the hallway. Nick tiptoes past where Schmidt is fast asleep in the makeshift bed on the floor and then crawls into his own bed, hoping that the combination of Schmidt’s white noise machine and snores will drown out his turbulent thoughts.

Instead Nick just lies there wide awake for what feels like hours. Jess’ words from the bathroom echo in his head, tacking onto his subconscious and gnawing at his thoughts as he tosses and turns in a fruitless attempt to find a comfortable position among his mess of blankets. His mind seems to have shifted into high gear, digging up the memory of every brief moment he had with Jess as they worked alongside each other during all their wedding planning. Every moment when he stared at her a moment too long, when he let his touch linger on her arm or back, when he went out of his way to tease her or make her laugh just to see her bright smile.

_ He was in love with his best friend _ .

No.  _ No _ . That’s ridiculous. Things with Jess... they’re over now. She’s his ex, and he doesn’t stay friends with his exes, he burns them swiftly and gives their ashes to Poseidon.

Except that’s not what happened. They’re just as close now as when they were dating, except for the whole seeing each other naked part, which was a pretty significant plus to their relationship. What they had was fun and incredible while it lasted, and easily the best and most meaningful relationship he’s ever been in. But they broke up because things just... well. They fought a lot, maybe too much, although their relationship has always been sorta centered around them fighting over something. But he’s not still in love with Jess. That’s just... just...

_ Fuck. _

He’s still in love with her. 

Nick rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling in defeat, searching for answers in the oddly textured drywall. How could he not have seen this before? Of course he’s still in love with Jess. When they broke up it wasn’t because of anything real. It was because they rushed into moving together and then had a stupid, meaningless fight while they were hungover. 

Looking back now, it all seems so clear that he wonders how he was so complicit in losing her. They were in love, crazy love. And yeah, his future was this terrifying abyss he couldn’t picture in his head, and honestly it still is, but that doesn’t mean he should’ve given up on Jess, not when she was the reason he was finally making progress towards becoming something.

He lets out a resigned sigh and curls up on his side, pulling the blanket over his shoulders. It’s nearly four in the morning, and if he doesn’t fall asleep now he’ll be dead on his feet tomorrow. Nick’s suddenly hyperaware of how empty his bed seems, how Jess left this hole in his life that he’s failed to fill ever since she gave up on him. He stretches his arm out over the empty space and tries to remember what she felt like against him, the fruity smell of her shampoo and the soft skin of her stomach where the shirt of her pajama outfit would ride up while she slept. It’s not nearly close enough to the real thing, but it’s  _ something _ , and Nick finally manages to fall asleep.

\---

Nick wakes up to a killer headache, his head pounding from a deadly combination of not nearly enough sleep and a night of irresponsible binge drinking. Even the thought of getting up makes his entire body ache in agony, and he hasn’t the slightest clue how he’s going to get through this wedding.

_ “Fuck _ ,” he mutters to himself as he buries his face deeper into the mess of dark, curling hair on his pillow in an attempt to avoid the light streaming in through the window. He tightens his grip around Jess’ waist and pulls her in closer to him until her back is plastered to his front, and she sighs and relaxes into his embrace.

Wait.

He sits up suddenly, and the rush of blood from his head makes the contents of his stomach flip and he feels even dizzier. Jess is in his bed. Not Dream Jess, the figment of his imagination that he patched together from half-hazy memories of when they were dating. She’s wearing one of her pajama outfits, the plaid one with red and blue overlapping stripes and tiny white buttons that are nearly impossible to tug free. Her eyes are fluttered shut in sleep and she looks so much younger like this, her face all relaxed and bare of any makeup. Nick tentatively reaches out to brush a lock of her hair back behind her ear, and Jess smiles in her sleep and leans into his touch.

His mind is still reeling as he frantically tries to puzzle out what on earth is going on here. But before he has a chance to connect the dots, Jess rolls over onto her back and stretches her arms over her head with a yawn, slowly blinking her eyes open. 

“Mm... Good morning,” she says, smiling up at him, and it suddenly hits him that this is  _ real _ .

“Good morning,” he stammers back, because Jess is leaning up to kiss him and they haven’t done this in nearly two years. His heart is racing and his palms are sweating and then Jess’ lips are on his and even the briefest brush sends a chill racing down his spine. There’s a half dozen alarm bells ringing in his ears, the rush of his blood thundering through his veins as he kisses her back. It doesn’t make any sense, but this chaste morning kiss feels just as intense as their first kiss, when he swept her off her damn feet in the middle of the hallway.

Jess pulls away a second later, and she miraculously doesn’t seem to have noticed his internal panic attack over this completely unexpected turn of events. Her head flops back down onto the pillow and she lets out a long groan. “Ugh, I have to go find an apartment for Abby today.”

“Wait, your sister’s in town?” Nick asks, trying to calm his spiraling thoughts even as he realizes what’s going on. Abby hasn’t even been in the country for the past two years. She’s been off on some European backpacking trek that’s only semi-legal. Which would mean that... 

No. That’s crazy. Impossible.

“Um... yeah. She’s been staying with us for a week now.” Jess looks at him warily. “Are you okay? Did you hit your head or something?” She rolls her eyes and mutters to herself, “I knew that playing Sky Knife was an awful idea...”

“No!” he replies, a little too quickly. Jess doesn’t seem to buy it, her eyebrows raised skeptically as she glances him over in search of any cuts or bruises. Nick reaches out for her hand to rub his thumb reassuringly over the back of her knuckles. The contact that makes his heart start to beat a little faster, which counteracts his attempt to be casual. “No, I’m fine, just... tired. Didn’t sleep well last night.”

The worried look fades from her expression and she miraculously buys his weak alibi. It’s good, because what else is he supposed to say? That he thinks that he’s either gone crazy or somehow stumbled into a remake of  _ The Matrix _ ? Jess smiles at him before sucking her lower lip in between her teeth, and there’s an all too familiar tug in his gut when he recognizes that gleam in her eyes as the one she gets when she’s revved up. “Guess I kept you up a little too late, huh?”

Nick’s brain freezes at that, alarm sirens wailing in his head as he starts to realize what’s about to happen. Jess grins mischievously as she nudges him onto his back, and he’s acting purely on instinct as his hand drops down to rest on the curve of his waist while hers slowly slide up the front of his shirt to teasingly pull at the fabric just below the collar. Maybe this is a dream after all, because it wouldn’t be the first time that Sleeping Nick decided to betray him like this. Any moment now he’s going to wake up with an uncomfortably sticky mess in his pajama pants and this whole charade will be over. 

But Jess is so  _ real _ . Her blue eyes sparkle in the early morning sunlight and her breath is warm against the side of his neck as she leans in to press teasing little kisses up the column of his throat. Even his most detailed fantasies never felt anything close to this. 

She’s about to crawl into his lap when her phone starts buzzing from where it’s plugged in at his bedside. “Sorry, that’s probably the realtor.” Jess presses an apologetic kiss to his cheek before pulling away to answer the call. 

He’s not sure if he should be disappointed or relieved. There’s this complicated feeling that’s brewing in his stomach, because he hasn’t had sex with Jess in  _ two years. _ It doesn’t seem right to just jump into a morning quickie when he’s been dreaming of a chance to be with her again for so long. He wants to do this the right way, the way he’s wanted to ever since they broke up. But then again, what if he just lost his only chance with her. It feels like an even crueler twist of fate, to come so close and fail miserably all over again. He’s not sure if he could handle the pain of losing her again.

“I have to get going,” Jess says, breaking him out of his spiralling thoughts. “There’s this nice, boring apartment in a very safe and vibrantly gay part of town that has an opening. Now I just have to trick my sister into thinking it was  _ her _ idea to move and then she’ll finally be out of our hair.”

Nick chuckles, managing to make it seem only slightly forced. “Sounds good.”

Jess smiles at him for a moment, openly letting her gaze linger on his face as she brings her hand up to cradle his jaw. She leans in again to kiss him, and Nick thought he was ready this time around, but it still blows him away. His eyes droop shut at the feel of her open mouth against his, and he doesn’t even care about her morning breath or the slightly slimy feel of his teeth. It’s  _ Jess _ , and he’s been dying to kiss her like this for ages now. He feels like he’s on top of the world, like he’s sky-diving from an airplane, like he’s every cliche metaphor all wrapped up in one big bundle of adrenaline that makes his mind go blank until all he can think and feel is Jess. Nick gently guides her until she’s lying half on top of him, her left hand resting on his chest and right over his thundering heart.

She breaks off the kiss after a few gloriously long minutes, and Nick revels in the way she’s seemingly struggling to catch her breath when she insists, “I... I gotta go.”

He manages to pull her back in for another kiss, and then another, and another. Jess ends up running thirty minutes late to her meeting, but Nick knows it was worth every second. He lies in his bed afterwards, chest still heaving and Jess lingering in all his senses like one of those afterimage puzzles he loved as a kid. 

This is real. It’s real. She’s  _ real _ .

_ Holy fucking shit. _

\---

Here’s what Nick knows:

First, time travel is, without a doubt, completely real. He’s still skeptical over whether Future Nick was an  _ actual  _ time traveler or just a hoax. But then again, it makes sense in a way, because if Future Nick really  _ was _ from the future, well he’d have to convince Past Nick that he wasn’t, or else risk messing with the time-space balance thingy. Or he could’ve been an actual homeless person. Jury’s still out on that one.

Second, somehow  _ he  _ has managed to travel back in time. Notably to the time when he and Jess were still together. Abby is crashing with them which makes it sometime around late February, about a month before their breakup. He has no idea how he got here, but he seems to be inhabiting Past Nick’s body, including the extra weight, messy hair and lack of beard. It’s weirdly disorienting to stare at himself in the mirror, almost like looking at a picture rather than his own reflection.

Third, Jess has no idea that he’s from the future. Neither does anyone else in the loft, but Nick has a feeling that it’s only a matter of time before he slips up and reveals himself. He’s got absolutely no idea what to do, and all his attempts to come up with a contingency plan lead to only one option: escape out onto the ledge of the nearest window.

Finally, and most importantly, Jess is still in love with him. They haven’t moved in together, they haven’t fought about their future, they haven’t broken up. He can save their relationship from disaster and fix the biggest mistake he’s ever made. For whatever reason the universe has chosen to give him a second chance with her, and he’d be damned if he squandered it. 

\---

Nick spends the rest of the day trailing after Jess, following wherever she goes and basking in the glow of her love for him. It’s been so long since he felt something like this, so genuinely happy to be with another person, even when they’re doing something as simple as running errands or just sitting on the couch to watch tv. Nick  _ missed  _ this, the casual affections they used to share, the way it was so easy to just  _ be _ with her, and how she made him feel like things might actually be alright. It’s incredibly freeing, and he doesn’t have to overthink each interaction in case it falls on the wrong side of their precariously balanced post-breakup friendship. 

They’re sitting next to each other on the couch when Nick has a sudden urge to put his arm around her shoulders and he just  _ does _ it. And instead of shying away or getting mad, Jess leans closer into him and rests her head against his chest. Nick stares down at her in disbelief, a slow smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at how she curls into him without hesitation.

That little moment is the pebble that starts the avalanche. He revels in all the things that he’s allowed to have with her: the shared smiles, the meaningful glances from across the room, the soft kisses he presses to her cheek and temple and the crown of her hair and wherever else he can reach. She’ll subtly tug on the sleeve of his shirt until he leans down to close the small gap so she can return the favor, and it catches him by surprise each time, that she  _ wants _ this, that it’s not just him hopefully projecting his own feelings onto her. 

He finds every possible excuse to let his touch linger on her. His shoulder bumps into hers when they’re walking down the street, his hand rests at the dip of her back while she’s cooking dinner, their fingertips brush when he passes over their shared toothpaste. Jess seems to catch onto what he’s doing, but she doesn’t call him out on it. Instead she just gives him a knowing glance and continues about her business, but Nick can tell that she’s purposefully staying a little closer to him than usual and the way she looks at him as she twirls a lock of her hair between her fingers is anything but innocent. 

\---

Later that night Jess stands up from the couch, stretching her arms over her head as she announces that she’s heading off to bed. She gives Nick a meaningful glance before heading off down the hall and into her room. Nick stays on the couch, tightly gripping his half-empty beer bottle as his mind reels to figure out what he’s supposed to do next. Jess reappears a few moments later dressed up in her soft pink robe to say goodnight, and he’s pretty sure that a flicker of something flirtatious crosses her face, but even the suggestion made his throat choke up with nerves. 

Nick finishes his beer as slow as he reasonably can in an attempt to buy some time. He switches off the tv once he’s done and then retreats to his own room to change into his pajamas. It takes him nearly twice as long to find something, because Past Nick’s room is an absolute  _ trainwreck _ and it’s painfully obvious that he hasn’t done laundry in months. He finally manages to dig out a half-decent smelling shirt from beneath his bed and a pair of sweatpants that are only minimally stained. He heads off to bathroom, grimacing at his sub-par reflection in the mirror as he brushes his teeth.

When he’s finally done getting ready he walks back down the hall, his heart thumping steadily in his chest. Nick hesitates in front of her door, his hand hovering over the doorknob as he wonders whether this is something he’s actually ready for, or something Jess actually wants. After a long pause he decides to sneak into her room, hoping that she’ll be alright with him sleeping beside her without asking first. 

But all his worries are for nothing, because Jess is already tucked beneath her floral comforter and fast asleep. The sound of her soft breaths echo in the silent room as Nick gently closes the door behind him. He carefully slips into bed to lie beside her, his head resting on the pillow as he fights off sleep, ignoring the exhaustion seeping into his bones and how his eyes are gritty and burning with every blink of his tired eyelids. But he’s afraid to fall asleep, afraid that this was all just a dream or that his time travel pass was good for one day only.

Eventually the sheer weight of his fatigue collapses in on him, and he falls asleep beside Jess just as the sun starts to rise. He reaches out for her to take her hand in his, so that if this  _ is _ the last time, then at least he could have this one small moment.

\---

The next morning he wakes up in Jess’ arms, their legs tangled together, and her face squished up against his chest as she drools on his shirt. Jess yawns and wraps her arms a little tighter around his waist and it suddenly hits him all over again.

This is  _ real _ .

\---

Abby moves in with Schmidt, despite Jess’ best attempts to keep them apart. It drives her absolutely crazy and Nick can clearly see the jealousy Jess has for her sister’s blossoming relationship with their former roommate. But unlike Jess, he can also see the clearly unsteady foundation that Abby and Schmidt’s temporary fling is built on. It’s only a matter of time before the two fall apart, proving Jess’ fears about their own relationship being ‘unreal’ to be wrong. 

“Can you believe Abby and Schmidt?” she scoffs as she packs up her things from his room.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Nick replies, trying to redirect the conversation into safer waters as he scoops up a tangled bundle of yarn and drops it into one of Jess’ many baskets. “Making love at their own brunch? No class.”

“They're a fake couple,” Jess continues, still clearly worked up over this, which is just absurd. They were equally obnoxious when they first started dating. Then the honeymoon haze faded and they fell into a perfectly fine rhythm. There’s no reason for Jess to try and compare herself to her sister’s doomed relationship. “They're not real.  _ We're  _ a real couple. If anyone should be moving in together, it's us.”

Nick frowns. He knows what’s coming next, but just like the first time around, he’s not sure how to stop it. “Well, you know, we already live in the same apartment.”

“Right. So why not take the extra step?”

“We basically sleep in each other's rooms every night,” he offers. Sweat is already starting to pool at his lower back, making his shirt stick to his increasingly damp skin. “So what is the difference?”

“It's a really big difference. Because right now we're  _ roommates  _ but we're not  _ living together _ , you know?” she asks expectantly, and Nick just nods along. “Living together is a step. It's official. It's an official step in a relationship.”

“Right...” He needs to put an end to this. They can’t move in together. But if he just says no then she’ll think he isn’t taking this seriously, or that they aren’t on the same page, and that was the final nail in the coffin of their relationship.

“Abby and Schmidt did it after one week-”

_ That’s it.  _ “Wait, Jess, stop.”

Her smile falters. “Do you not want to move in together?”

“Woah- no! Just...” Nick takes a deep breath. “I just think you-  _ we _ might be rushing into something that we’re not ready for, just because you’re freaking out about whatever is going on with your sister.”

“Psh-” Jess crosses her arms over her chest and insists, rather unconvincingly, “It’s not because of Abby.”

He sets his hands on his hips and looks at her with one skeptically raised eyebrow. “You didn’t want us to move in together yesterday. But then this morning at brunch your sister says something about how her relationship with Schmidt is so much better than ours-”

Jess frowns and rolls her eyes. “That’s not what she said.”

“It’s what you heard.”

A silence falls over the room, so quiet that he could hear a pin drop.

“I...” Jess starts, but then falters when she realizes that he’s right. She stares at him for a drawn-out pause before she lets out a defeated exhale. Her eyes drop down to stare at the floor as she worries her lower lip between her teeth.

“Jess.” Nick steps forward and reaches out to gently brush her hair behind her ear. Her gaze flicks back up to his face, looking up at him through her dark eyelashes. They’re so close now, barely a few inches of space between them, and Nick can’t help but close the gap to press a soft kiss to her forehead, his hands curling around her upper arms. “I want this with you, but on our own timeline. I mean, we haven’t even been dating for a full year. We only just said ‘I love you.’ It just feels a little fast to me.”

“Right.” She smiles half-heartedly at him, not even a fraction of her signature vibrancy. “No... you’re right. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Hey, no. Come here.” Nick pulls her into a hug, pressing her head into his chest as he tangles his fingers in her hair. Jess sighs and wraps her arms around his middle, her hands fisting in the fabric of his shirt. His eyes fall closed as they sway slightly, and there’s a twist in his gut when he remembers the last time they hugged like this. “I love you,” he murmurs into her hair, because he never really said it enough while they were dating.

Jess leans back to look at him. “I love you, too.”

“Someday we’ll make this work,” he promises with every intent to carry it out. Fate will have to pry their happiness out of his cold, dead hands. “And we’ll do it right.”

Her brow furrows slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... Well...” Nick trails off, cursing himself for not planning this all out ahead of time. It’s not like he didn’t know it was coming, after all. He knows what he really means, that they’ll actually get the relationship right this time around. But it’s not like he can just say that to her. A fleeting sliver of an idea pops into his head and Nick figures he might as well chase after it. “If-  _ when _ we move in together, then we should do it the right way. Get our own place so we don’t have to put up with these clowns.”

“Really?” The look on her face is nearly impossible to read and Nick desperately hopes that he’s saying the right thing.

“Yeah. And... I dunno.” He reaches up to gently caress her cheek with his thumb. “Maybe we’d be engaged first.”

Jess’ breath catches at that, her eyes shining with surprise and admiration. “You think about us getting engaged?”

“Sometimes.” Nick shrugs and gives her a half smile. He’s thought about it a handful of times. Once or twice while they were dating, brief flickers of a future he didn’t think he could ever conceivably achieve. A couple of times after they broke up, when he was teetering on blackout drunk and started to wonder what could’ve been. It’s still terrifying, because the future is fucking  _ scary _ and he doesn’t really know what he’s doing with his life. But the idea of Jess by his side until the end makes it seem a little more manageable. He can almost picture it: her luminescent smile brightening the entire room as he slides the ring onto her finger. “You know... whenever we’re ready for it.”

“That’s... that’s really mature of you, Nick.”

He’s not quite sure what to say to that. He supposes that these two years must’ve changed him a lot, experience molding him into the kind of guy that might actually be good enough for Jess. He’s not some kind of project for her to fix or an emotionally immature child she can’t trust to do things right. Maybe they actually will make this work.

Jess is still looking at him expectantly, so Nick slides his hand back into her hair and kisses her. She sighs against his lips, her arms snaking up to drape over his shoulders as she rises up on her toes to reach him. Nick lets his eyes fall shut and focuses on the weight of her in his arms, reveling in the fact that he finally did something right.

—-

They make love that night, and it’s overpowering and passionate and  _ fuck _ Nick missed this. He missed the sounds Jess makes and the way she gasps and whimpers his name when he sucks on the delicate slope of her neck. He missed the feel of her gentle curves pressed against him and the warmth of her skin beneath his palms. He missed the way she caresses him and gently scratches her nails over the muscles of his back while her teeth tease the sensitive spot right above his pulsepoint. It’s all so much and yet not nearly enough, and Nick kisses her deeper and presses her down into the mattress, trying to find a way to be as close to her as possible.

“Tell me you need me,” he whispers, his breath hot against her cheek as he hovers over her.

“Nick...” she moans, perfect and gorgeous as she intertwines her fingers with his. “Please.”

“Say it,” he insists. This is it: the moment he’s dreamed of ever since they fell apart, the brief glimmer of hope he’s clung to for all these years.

Jess plants her feet on the mattress, letting her thighs drop open even wider for him. “Nick, I need you.”

He finally sinks into her and it’s like coming home. Nick ducks his head into the curve of her neck, trying to hide the tears that are starting to build up in his eyes. Jess moans and rolls her hips up into his as she presses a trail of kisses down from the corner of his jaw to the tip of his shoulder.

“Nick,” she whispers again, teeth teasing over his earlobe.  _ “Please _ .”

_ “Fuck, _ ” he curses under his breath. 

Nick squeezes their interlocked fingers and rocks into her, a slow and steady rhythm that sets his whole body on fire. Jess moans and arches beneath him, clenching tight around his dick as she throws her head back against his pillow. He looks at her in awe, taking her in in all her glory. Her pale skin flushed to a bright pink, her slightly parted lips bright red from his kisses, the tumbling waves of her dark hair that cascade down either side of her face to settle in soft curls on the delicate lines of her collarbones. She’s fucking stunning, so breathtakingly incredible that Nick’s heart skips a beat at the sight of her. He leans in to drag his tongue up the side of her neck and Jess gasps, her toes curling against the mattress in pleasure. 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers in her ear, because it’s the truth.

“Oh,” she breathes. Her eyes blink open to look at him in surprise, bright blue and shimmering in the dim light of his bedroom. 

“I mean it.” He pulls away to look at her seriously, his eyes darting over her face as he tries to memorize every inch of her. Nick frees one of his hands to caress her cheek, his thumb brushing over her bottom lip and she puckers her lips slightly to press a whisper of a kiss against the sensitive skin. 

Jess brings her hand up around his neck, tangling her fingers in the messy hair at the base of his scalp. His eyes flutter shut reflexively and she pulls him in for a kiss, her lips gently gliding over his as she wraps her legs around his waist to hold him even closer to her. She breaks away from his lips, barely an inch away, and her breath mixes up with his as she whispers, “I love you.”

After they’ve finished, Jess cradles his head against her chest as she cards her fingers through his hair, both of them lying on their sides with their legs still slotted together. Nick presses his ear right above her sternum so he can hear the steady thump of her heartbeat and the gentle  _ whoosh _ of her slow breaths. Her fingernails gently scratch against his scalp and Nick hums in approval, the vibration sinking into her skin as he tightens the grip of his arms around her waist.

“Are you alright?” she asks, her voice soft in the darkness.

Nick takes a moment to consider the question. “Yeah.”

“It’s just...” Jess trails off before hesitantly continuing, “you were very  _ intense  _ tonight.”

The truth is that he’s not okay, that he missed her so much it was like a visceral ache, a missing part of his life that he couldn’t replace. But it’s not like he can tell her that. He tries to come up with a lie, something about work being stressful or that he got wrapped up in thinking about their future together. But then he tilts his head up to look at her, concern flitting over her features as she presses her palm against the side of his head, and he knows she deserves better than that. So he decides to be honest and says simply, “I love you.”

She smiles at him and then cranes her neck to kiss his forehead, the ridge of his brow, the tip of his crooked nose, each of his cheeks, and then finally nudges his chin up to reach his lips. Nick smiles into the kiss and coaxes her to lie on top of him. They exchange short, soft kisses, and he revels in the simplicity of the moment, how he doesn’t have to  _ try  _ with her, how being with her is as easy as breathing. 

Jess breaks away, her hands framing either side of his face and their foreheads pressed together. “I love you, too.” She kisses him again, and her voice is a rough whisper when she adds, “So much.” Another kiss, her lips parted slightly and eyes fluttered shut. “God, Nick. You have no idea.”

“I do,” he murmurs against her lips, fingers flexing where they rest on her hips. “I  _ know _ .”

—-

The days continue to go by, and with each morning that Nick wakes up in Jess’ arms he becomes more and more convinced that this is his reality now, that he managed to save the relationship, that he got his second try at life. For once, Jess is  _ proud _ of him and it’s exciting in its novelty. He catches her just smiling at him sometimes, her teeth teasing over her lower lip as she watches him do something as simple as wipe down glasses at the bar or flip through channels on tv.

Nick does his best to be a good boyfriend. He kisses her every chance he gets, he goes with her to the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings, he picks her up from work and surprises her with flowers. He gets dressed up in an actual suit to take her out on date night and lets her choose the restaurant. Then after they get home he peels off her pretty little dress, marveling at the simple elegance of her soft curves as he makes slow, sweet love to her.

It’s unbelievably perfect and Nick wants nothing more than for this to last forever, to live this life with her where he’s so damn happy that it almost hurts.

\---

But here’s the thing about life.

It never lasts.

\---

He’s  _ trying _ . 

Nick knows that he has to grow up, that he needs to make grown up moves and prove that he’s not some lazy bum who just mooches off the success of all those around him. But it’s fucking  _ hard _ . He doesn’t have any money and his credit score is so abysmal he might as well be dead. He’s putting his everything into this, but it’s like life is stacked against him and it’s only a matter of time before he buckles under the pressure.

They’re out on a date and the waiter comes back around with the check and apologizes before discreetly whispering that Nick’s card was declined. He can feel the blood draining from his face in embarrassment, because his paycheck from the bar was supposed to come through today, but the bank must still be processing it. He’s so painfully broke that he can’t even handle a few extra hours between paychecks. 

“I think I have some cash,” he lies, trying to buy himself some time to come up with a Plan B as he tries to ignore the awkwardly sympathetic look on the waiter’s face.

“I got it,” Jess interrupts, handing over her card without a second thought.

“No, Jess...”

“C’mon Nick,” she smiles, and he can’t help but notice the flicker of pity in her eyes. “Don’t worry about it.”

But he  _ does  _ worry about it, because no matter how many extra hours he puts in at the bar all he can afford to eat is cereal, ramen, and microwave burritos. How’s he supposed to be a manager at the Griffin if there’s no way for him to buy a stake without borrowing nearly all the money from Schmidt? His hands are tied and he can’t do anything right without fucking something else up in the process and he doesn’t blame Past Nick for just giving up on life and success.

Schmidt needs a lawyer to represent him and despite Nick’s best attempts to prepare for the case, he’s still outsmarted by the actual professionals and he remembers just how much he hates this, hates their smug, frigid nature and the way they treat him like shit just because he’s not a partner at some prestigious law firm. They barely win the case, and it’s only because Winston manages to weedle them into a compromise using what he learned from watching those stupid legal dramas that only ever play at three in the afternoon.

Meanwhile, Jess lands her job as a vice principal and she’s amazing at it, just like he knew she would be. She’s brilliant and passionate and hardworking and she cares so much for those snotty nosed middle schoolers that it’s ridiculous. As for him, he’s still stuck as a bartender at some shitty dive bar, wasting his life away and barely making enough tips to put gas in his car. It dawns on him that no matter how many second chances he gets he’s always going to fall back to this, stuck in the caboose of life and never going to be able to get out. 

He’s never going to be good enough for her. Nick lies awake at night, staring at Jess as she sleeps beside him and thinking about how it’s only a matter of time before this ends.

\---

Jess buys  _ The Toy _ for Sadie and Melissa’s son. There’s still a week before the birthday party for him to put it together, but every time he looks at the box there’s this complicated twist in his gut, and he just can’t bring himself to open it, let alone assemble the damn thing. He keeps pushing it off, making up excuses to himself about how he’s too busy and that he still has time even as the days quickly slip past. 

He promises himself he’ll do it the night before, that he’ll stay up all night if he has to, as long as it takes to get it finished on time. But then he gets roped into playing True American and Nick figures that he can pace himself to avoid drinking too much so that he can still wake up early to put it together before they have to leave.

\---

Nick is so fucking hungover. His whole body hurts, his head is throbbing, and his stomach heaves even at the brief thought of standing up from the floor where they’re hunched over the plethora of scattered and half-broken plastic pieces of the overly complicated kid’s toy.

“I knew that was a bad idea,” Jess says bitterly after he burns himself while trying to weld two of the broken pieces back together with his lighter.

“Then why didn't you say anything?” Nick bites back, gritting his teeth together to try and abate his worsening headache.

“Why didn't you put the toy together when I gave it to you a week ago?” Jess huffs in frustration, rubbing at her temples as she squeezes her eyes shut. “Why do you have to ruin everything, Nick?”

“I don’t know!” he yells, all of the self-loathing and insecurity that he’s been trying to push down for the past month bubbling up to the surface and he’s too hungover and pissed off to filter the words that come tumbling out of his mouth. “I’ve got something bad inside me, I ruin things!” He drops his head down into his hands, mindful of the tenderness of his burnt thumb as he rubs at his eyes with the heel of his palms. “I’m not  _ good _ , you know? At planning or doing adult things or just life in general. I’m not like you.”

Jess stares at him for a moment, her face falling as she takes in his admission. He doesn’t know why she’s so surprised. She’s the one who started this damn fight. “Nick, you know that’s not true.”

“Look, Jess. Let’s just focus on the toy, okay?”

“No, Nick.” Her brow furrows as she looks at him. “I’m not going to let you just brush this off.”

“And I’m not having this conversation with you,” Nick grits out.

“You  _ are _ ,” Jess insists stubbornly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Jess,” he puts every ounce of seriousness that he can into his words, “We can have this discussion tomorrow, when we’re not hungover and running late for your godson’s first birthday party. But I’m not having this conversation with you.” There’s a strain in his voice and he’s practically begging now. He can’t do this again. He can’t live through the worst day of his life all over again.

Her frown deepens. “If we don’t talk about this now then we never will.”

“Then we’re never talking about this.” Nick consults the upside-down instructions and tries to shove the meth lab piece into the one that looks like a pipe bomb. “Never talk about anything serious when you're hungover, Jess.”

“Never avoid talking about serious things, even if you happen to be hungover,” Jess says in her teacher voice, the one she only uses when she’s really upset with him. “I’m not going to let you think that you aren’t good.”

“I’m not doing this with you, Jess!”

“Why not?!”

“Because I don’t want us to break up!”

His answer hangs in the air, the words dangling threateningly over their heads. 

Jess’ brow furrows in confusion. “I’m not going to-”

“No, you are.” Nick lets out a defeated sigh, his shoulders hunching over as his lungs slowly deflate. “It’s just a matter of time-”

“A matter of time before what?”

“Before you realize I’m not good enough for you!”

Her face falls, something dangerously close to pity in her eyes. “Oh, Nick...”

“No, Jess. You don’t get it. I’m not the guy you want.” Nick wrings his hands together, staring down at one of the plastic pieces that’s stuck to a mysterious stain on his floor. 

“You  _ are _ . You’re the man I want.” Jess reaches out to take his hand but Nick pulls away and out of her grasp. She recoils in response, and Nick hates himself for the look of hurt that crashes over her face. He  _ hates _ this, hates that he has to be the one to hurt her, that in every timeline he’s the one dragging her down.

“But I’m not the man you  _ deserve _ .” 

“That’s ridiculous,” she scoffs.

“Is it?” Nick frowns at her, pinching the bridge of his nose as he lets all of his fears fall out of his chest and onto the floor with the exploded pieces of the toy. “I don’t exactly have my life together. You’ve got a career and a bank account and a  _ future.”  _ He sighs, staring down at his feet and the mess he’s made. “What do I have? No planning skills, a broken kid’s toy and a burnt thumb.”

Jess reflexively reaches for him again, but she stops herself an inch above his wrist. “Nick. I don’t care about that stuff.”

He stares at her contemplatively. He knows she’s lying. Of course she cares about that stuff. She’s  _ Jess _ , she’s brilliant and beautiful and the kind of person who has a life plan, who isn’t afraid to think about the future because hers is bright and exciting unlike his own dismal prospects. “Be honest, Jess. Where do you think you’ll be two years from now?”

“I’ll be with you,” she says automatically. It makes his chest feel tight, because he  _ wants _ that, he wants to be with her, he wants so badly to be the guy who can take care of her and make her happy. But he’s not that guy. He’ll never be that guy.

“And I’ll still be stuck at the bar.” 

“Nick...” Jess’ voice drops, her tone sad. “You love the bar.”

“That doesn’t matter.” He sighs. When is she going to get this? That he’s not the one who can be there for her, who can give her everything that she deserves. He’s a failure. He’s always going to be a failure. “Because that’s all I’m ever going to be. Everyone else is going to grow up and move on, but I’m always going to be here at rock bottom.” Nick clenches his jaw and runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “It’ll be Schmidt and Cece’s wedding and you’ll be getting ready to be the principal of some fancy private school and Winston will be a cop who’s in love with his girlfriend slash fellow officer-”

“Wait, what? Why would Cece marry Schmidt? How did you come up with this?” Jess’ brow furrows in confusion. He’s saying too much and he’s going to blow his cover, but he can’t help the words that tumble out of his mouth. He needs her to  _ understand _ , and this is the only way he knows how to make his point. Maybe she can’t see into the future, but he can, and he knows that he’s always going to end up disappointing her. 

“Look, it’s only a matter of time before you realize I’m just a washed up loser,” Nick says, brutally honest. It hurts to admit, but it’s the truth, isn’t it? “And then you’ll dump me for some doctor who’s tall and handsome and does the dishes without having to be asked-”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

Nick rolls his eyes. “C’mon, we both know that Doctor Sam is objectively the best guy you ever dated.”

Jess looks bewildered, staring at him as if he's gone insane.“Why on Earth would I date Doctor Sam again?”

“Because, Jess!” he yells, throwing his hands in the air. “I’m the type of guy who breaks things! I’m only ever going to ruin things and get in your way and I don’t think you realize how much better off you’d be without me! I mean, why are you still putting up with me?”

“Because, Nick!” she yells back, hurt and anger mixing up in her turbulent eyes as she clearly fights off tears. “Because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You don’t get to tell me how I feel. I  _ love _ you. When are you going to let yourself believe that?”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything. They stare at each other for a long moment, chests heaving as they try to catch their breath. Nick’s thoughts are a murky mess, trying to grasp onto Jess’ words and the meaning behind them and the fact that no matter how hard he pushes she still isn’t going anywhere. 

His vision is swimming, and he figures it’s just the hangover until he feels a hot tear slip down his cheek. He ducks his head down and squeezes his eyes shut because he can’t let Jess see him like this. He’s supposed to be the strong one, the guy who she can count on to take care of her. But he’s never been that guy. No matter how much he pretends, it’s never going to be true.

Jess starts to stand up, and Nick realizes this is it. She’s finally leaving. He can’t bear to watch her go, so he pushes his face deeper against his hands. The reality of his failure is pressing down onto him, a storm of self-hatred brewing in his head and threatening to take over. 

There’s a insistent nudging at his shoulder, and Nick looks up to see Jess hovering over him. He stares up at her, his face wet with tears and his heart aching. She holds out her hand and Nick takes it, allowing her to pull him up onto his feet. 

He’s barely been standing for a second when Jess jumps into him, her arms wrapped tight around his neck as she presses his face into the curve of her shoulder. Nick’s hands hover over her back for a moment before he gently lowers them to rest hesitantly on the smooth slope of her spine. His eyes fall shut as he buries his face in her messy hair and Nick breathes in the smell of her, crisp strawberries and stale beer and memories he doesn’t want to ever forget.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, and he doesn't know quite what for. It’s like the Old Fashioned, a promise that he’s going to mess up eventually, but that she’ll still forgive him each time.

“You clown,” she mutters against his neck, her fingers bunching up the material of his shirt. “I’m always going to love you.”

—-

Nick wakes up early the next morning, and his head hurts so much he thinks he might be dying. He rolls over in bed and reaches out for Jess, but then his arm just hits the empty mattress. He blinks his eyes open and pushes up to stare at the empty space in confusion. They made up last night, after their big fight, and now they’re good again. They didn’t break up, his bed didn’t catch on fire, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

But then he spots it: the uneven scorched mark in his blanket, the one he tries so hard to ignore, pretending that everything’s fine and he’s not haunted by what could’ve been, what he should’ve done differently.

He’s still trying to make sense of it all when his phone rings. Nick groans and reaches for his nightstand to answer it with a groggy, “This is Nick.”

“Hi, Nick,” a vaguely familiar woman says on the other line. “It’s Reagan.”

“Hey,” he stammers reflexively.  _ Reagan? But that doesn’t... _

“Look, I wanted to call because, well, I didn’t want to lead you on.” 

His brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

She sighs. “I’m not coming to the wedding.”

_ The wedding? Wait. No. No no no... _

“You’re a nice guy, Nick. I hope you’re doing alright.”

“I...” he trails off, mind still reeling. “I’m fine.”

He can practically hear her unimpressed, semi-sympathetic smile over the phone. “Take care of yourself.”

Nick gives his head a little shake. “Yeah. You too.”

She hangs up a second later and Nick falls back onto his bed, clutching his phone in his hand and staring up at the ceiling. He’s back in his own body, his own timeline. He and Jess aren’t together anymore. She went off to be with Doctor Sam while he tired to replace her with a string of ultimately forgettable girls. Reagan was the one outlier, the one he could’ve had something with, and even then she was smart enough to turn him down. 

He scrubs his hands over his face. Everything that happened was just a dream he was stupid enough to believe in. Or maybe he really did travel back in time, but came crashing back into reality when his time ran out. Either way it doesn’t matter, because it wasn’t real. None of it was. Jess doesn’t care about him like that, no matter what Fantasy Jess said.

After a few more self-indulgent minutes of wallowing, Nick shoves his self-pity aside to haul himself out of bed. He sits on the edge of his mattress and gives himself a slap on each cheek. His best friend is getting married today. That’s what he needs to focus on. He’ll figure the rest out later.

\---

Nick tells Jess about Reagan, and she seems almost surprised by how he isn’t so torn up about it. Truth be told, he can’t bring himself to be all that disappointed now that both he and Jess are going solo to the wedding. Or stag going. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that they’re both single and he’s in love with her, even though he won’t do anything about it because he’s a coward and she’s completely moved on from her Nick Miller Phase. 

Schmidt is on a plane, they have to lie to Cece, it’s all a lot to process and Nick’s always been a terrible liar.

“I’m so nervous I’m gonna screw this up,” Nick admits to her during their impromptu planning session in the bathroom. He can already feel his back turning into a slip and slide and he’s just going to fuck this up like everything else he touches. 

“You’re always so ready to believe the worst in yourself,” Jess says, her eyes bright and honest, “and right now I need you to believe in the best, okay?”

Nick nods. His gaze travels over her face and it’s almost like he’s back in the past or the middle of the dream or whatever it was. Except this is real, and he  _ knows _ it’s real because they’re both older now, and he’s never felt anything like this before. He doesn’t know what the future holds and it’s absolutely terrifying. But Jess is here, and if she’s in his corner then he’ll turn out alright.

“I believe in you.” She smiles at him, sweet and simple and it’s no wonder that she stole his heart away. And even though his head knows that she’s totally over him, his heart begs to differ, because he  _ swears _ that he sees something serious shining in the depths of her eyes. Jess reaches out to give his arm a reassuring squeeze and then goes to leave and help Cece with her hair.

“Hey, Jess.”

She turns away from the half-open door to look at him from over her shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Save me a dance, will ya?”

“I always will.”

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me about this ending on [tumblr](http://actualbabe.tumblr.com/)


End file.
